
Sorry I haven't been able to blog properly for a while since being ill my pain and extreme fatigue makes it hard for me to know when I'll be able to blog. Before I had cancer and a benign tumour I loved writing for English language in school. I love using my creativity writing stories and literally couldn't stop talking! Now it's a few paragraphs here and there or once in a blue moon a whole blog post.
Recently in the past couple of months my pain has increased so much it hurts to move and the back pain which has increased since getting a benign tumour twice grow in my sacrum (bone) and then osteosarcoma bone cancer in the same place which ate away my bone. Then metal that was in my body for a while has caused excruciating pain, that has kept me bed bound now for at least a few weeks. The extreme fatigue has flared up again worse and caused me to sleep a lot but it's a catch 22 because I sleep a lot but wake up feeling I haven't hardly slept and have no energy.
Feeling run down, I now feel stressed easier and my depression slowly coming on. This is really annoying as I wish it was kept at bay. Just going through depression is tiring in itself.
Not everyone with cancer will go through depression but some like me will, mine was flared up since being told I didn't have long to live but more importantly to me being told I can't have children because I went to so many health professionals and under the care of a top surgeon but still my bone cancer got missed delaying my treatment and resulting not being able to save my eggs and have now gone through the menopause by 21.
I hate hot flashes and the menopause itself lol, glad it's over!!
When I go to get X-rays they always ask 'Is there any chance of you being pregnant?'
Me: 'No I've gone through the menopause.'
They look at my notes and say: ' Are you sure?'
Me: Yes.
The only reason they do that is I suppose they don't expect that in young woman 21+ but when they read the notes then they realised what treatment has caused it.
It's easy to say get over it or you should be happy your alive etc but even though I tell myself to snap out of it you can't as your depression rewires your thoughts and feelings in your mind. Until you talk to someone or a psychologist to let feelings out and do Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in an environment where they are not judging but guiding you to get through it as well as medication if needed it won't get better.
I'm falling in and out of sleep as I type but not had enough sleep. I need to have a blood test later today as my symptoms have got worse and I'm finding it to hard to deal with the pain/fatigue and general feeling of being unwell which is keeping me bed bound.
For myself personally even though being in 4 years part remission I find the secondary effects worse some of the time as it effects me everyday 24/7 whether its pain/fatigue/depression/bowels&bladder problems and too many more to mention.